LOS ANGELES, CA--A Britney Spears rep leaked to reporters earlier this week that the young man she is rumored to be engaged to really isn't her fiance--in fact, they weren't even going out!! The whole thing was a cover-up to hide Spears' true romance with Taylor County Superientendant of Schools Oscar Howard. The couple has been together since early May.

    "I'm so happy!" an overjoyed Spears was reported to have said to some close friends. "Oscar is so much more mature than guys my age. He really knows what he wants and he treats me like a queen!!"

    Howard is mum on the subject.

    "Britney is a talented young person and I think that she's a great assett to pop culture," said Howard. "That is all I am saying."

    Spears' fans are outraged at the news.

    "Great assett?!" said college sophomore Trey McNeil. "I think he's been doing a little admiring of her assetts, if you know what I mean!"

    "Ewww gross!" said high school junior Alexis Varnum. "Why is she taking up with that old guy? He's, like, so OLD!!!"

    Spears' family members have yet to comment.

 

By C.S.

 

PERRY, FL - In unprecedented news, producers of the hit Fox series "The O.C." have announced that Superintendent Oscar Howard from Perry, FL will be the newest cast member. The part that Howard shall be playing is the zany high school librarian that lives next door. While speculation on how such a librarian could afford such status, producers said that Oscar's character happened to be married to an heiress of a bookmark production company. "I am rather excited about appearing in this show,"  quoted the quite husky Howard, "I am relentless in ensuring that the love of reading will be spread through all forms of media." The original cast members are rumored to be upset over the added weight to the set. And it continues to state that members might even strike, or at the very least stock the snack table with carrots and celery. "Ewwww, why are they putting some old man on television?" responded an inept sorority girl from UF. Another student responded, "What does it matter, the show is absolute crap anyway."